DTR

We have all known (or perhaps been) couples that “sort-of” dated for years. We could not quite decipher what the status of their relationship was. Were they just friends? Were they “seeing” one another? Were they serious? At times they would be inseparable and seemed exclusively committed to one another. Then the next month it appeared as though they were not at all interested in long-term commitment. If we were close friends with one of these parties, we would exhort them to D.T.R.

DTR. In dating lingo, this refers to, “Defining The Relationship.” This is "the talk" when a male and female who've been seeing each other a while decide if they're officially a couple. In the same vocabulary genre is ATI. This is when a couple “Acknowledges The Intent” to move from friendship to romance. These, “So, what are we?” dialogues are preceded by both sheer terror and nervous excitement. Whatever you call it, this is an important moment in the relationship that sets the course for the couple’s future.

As confusing as dating relationships are between male and female, many people also live in a grayish, perplexing haze when it comes to their involvement with the local church. Are they simply interested in the church? Are they dating the church? Or are they wholly committed to the church? Many church-attending Christians are in need of a DTR moment so they can evaluate the status of their union with the local assembly.

Joshua Harris, pastor and author of Stop Dating the Church!, mentions three ways in which a “church-dater” can be spotted: (1) Their attitude toward church tends to be me-centered. They go for what they can get—social interaction, programs, activities for children, etc. The main question is, “What can church do for me?” (2) They are independent. They attend church, perhaps regularly, but they are careful to avoid getting too involved. They are non-committal—going through the motions without really investing themselves. (3) They are critical. They treat church with a consumer mentality. As Harris says, they are “looking for the best product for the price of their Sunday morning.” They are shopping and comparing.

Do any of these marks define your relationship with the church? If so, I plead with you to, “Stop dating the church!” Rather, commit to her and marry her. Define the relationship and join the local body.

I realize that some have active or passive objections to church membership. Some say that local church membership is not taught in Scripture. They reason, “You don’t read about rosters and attendance sheets in the early church. Our modern membership system is a recent invention.” True, the Bible does not contain “church rolls,” but the local congregations we read about in the New Testament were congregations of specific people. Certain people were known to be a part of the assembly; certain people were known to be outside of it. Certain folks were included; others were excluded. How else could they “remove the wicked man from among yourselves” if they did not know who was “in” and who was “out” (1 Cor. 5:13)?

Others passively protest membership by saying it is simply unimportant. “I don’t need to be a member to be involved in the church. I can take part in the work and ministry of the church without joining,” they say. That is possible, but there is no biblical support for such a stance. There were no “un-affiliated” Christians in the early church. It was unthinkable for a believer to say they were “in Christ” but not “in a local church.”

Charles Spurgeon thought that it was disobedience for a Christian not to join a church. He humorously but accusingly called such disconnected Christians, “good-for-nothing bricks”:
I know there are some who say, “Well, I have given myself to the Lord, but I do not intend to give myself to the church.”
Now why not?
“Because I can be a Christian without it.”
Are you quite clear about that? You can be as good a Christian by disobedience to your Lord’s commands as by being obedient? What is a brick made for? To help build a house. It is of no use for that brick to tell you that it is just as good a brick while it is kicking about on the ground as it would be in the house. It is a good-for-nothing brick.
So you rolling-stone Christians, I do not believe that you are answering your purpose. You are living contrary to the life which Christ would have you live, and you are much to blame for the injury you do.
(taken from Stop Dating the Church!, pg. 46)

How would you define your relationship to the church? Maybe the weeks, months, and years have rolled by and you, though unintentionally, have failed to join the local body. If you are simply flirting with or dating the church, please consider covenanting and uniting with us in meaningful church membership. Though the commitment is solemn, the actual process of membership is simple. (1) Fill out a membership application (available at the back of the auditorium) and place it in the “in-box” outside the church office door. (2) You will be contacted and asked to meet with some of the elders to share your testimony of trust in Christ. At this time, you will also have an opportunity to ask any questions you might have concerning Berachah. (3) You will be presented to the body so that each member can pray for you, care for you, and keep you accountable in your walk with Christ.

If you have committed and are a member, please renew your love for Christ’s local body. Don’t let your union with Berachah be a spiritual crutch for your troubled conscience. Make your membership significant by being faithful in attendance, active in worship, sacrificial in giving, persistent in prayer, selfless in caring, and zealous in outreach. Be a useful brick in the building of God.

Justin Culbertson
Berachah Bible Church