Have You Ever Been Lonely? Part II

There is a difference between being alone and loneliness. Being alone may be necessary, but loneliness is not good. Jesus was alone during His forty days of testing in the wilderness. Paul was alone in the desert as time of preparation for serving God. John was alone on the island of Patmos as an exile for Christ’s sake. It is possible to be alone, but not be lonely. Are you afraid to be alone? Do you need people around all the time? We need times of solitude. It has been said that “Loneliness is inner emptiness. Solitude is inner fulfillment.” Times alone with God are necessary to be more effective with people. Jesus modeled this for us in His intentional withdrawal from His disciples and the crowds that pursued Him (Mk. 1:35). He sought solitude and time with His heavenly Father before He chose His disciples (Lk. 6:12). The shadow of His approaching crucifixion found Jesus in the solitude of the garden of Gethsemane (Matt. 26:36-46). We must accept the fact that some “aloneness” is unavoidable and even required. Trials will come. Disappointments will come as unwanted guests. The loss of a spouse can leave us aching with grief. The loneliness can haunt us, but it can be a blessing in disguise as we draw near to God and commune with Him in the soul-bearing prayer.

Loneliness is the opportunity to evaluate our relationship with God. If you have not come to know the presence of God through faith in Jesus Christ, then abandon the futility of your unbelief. Alienation from God because of sin is at the root of all our ills. “Come unto Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest” (Matt. 11:28). These tender words of the Savior are an invitation to experience His everlasting presence. You don’t want to die without God and not have Him waiting for you in all His goodness. How awful to step out of time into eternity without God. Eternal loneliness. What a terrifying thought. But if you are Christ’s and know the sweetness of forgiveness, eternal life, and His joyful presence, there is comfort. Yes, the child of God can experience loneliness, but there is hope. We can lay hold of God in prayer; seek His help, and the needed wisdom for the darkness that surrounds us. Fellowship with God is a cherished reality for every believer. Companionship with the Lord. What a refuge! God the Son, our sympathetic High Priest, understands our weaknesses (Heb. 4:15). Jesus on the cross was abandoned by all, even the Father (“My God, My God, Why hast Thou forsaken Me?”). No one who has ever lived has tasted that kind of loneliness. When forsaken by all, we still have God. He has promised to never leave us or forsake us.

We must turn those times of a sense of forsakenness and abandonment into the occasion for self-examination. We will need to judge ourselves (Matt. 7:1, 2). Are we reaping what we have sown? If we have a pattern of staying by ourselves, running to the car immediately after church, never inviting anyone over for a meal, or becoming lost in our electronic world of television and the internet, we are slowly creating our own desert island. Get off of that island by applying the promises of God. Force feed your mind on such nutrient-rich truth as, “Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I fear no evil; for Thou art with me, Thy rod and Thy staff they comfort me” (Psa. 23:4); “Lo, I am with you always, even to the end of the age’ (Matt. 28:20); “I will not leave you comfortless; I will come to you…He shall give you another comforter, that he may abide with you forever” (Jn. 14:18). Let your loneliness encourage meditation and reflection. The Psalms of the Old Testament lend themselves to the warmth of the reassurance of God’s presence and care (e.g. Psa. 31; Psa. 142:4-6).

As God ministers to us, so we can assist others in their loneliness. Be sensitive to those who are lonely. We will need to identify and eliminate those qualities, actions, practices, and attitudes that promote loneliness (e.g. fear, selfishness, rigidity, perfectionism, pushiness, critical spirit). God’s school of affliction can teach us to have greater compassion and understanding of others (2 Cor. 1:3-6). Reach out to other people. Serve someone else. There are people who are dying on the inside, longing for someone to listen and care. The local church must not be a by-stander. A church ought to be a family where it is easy to build relationships. There are a host of passages in the New Testament that offer loneliness-relieving “one-anothering” (“love one another,” “encourage one another,” “build up one another,” “admonish one another,” “be kind to one another”).

The cold winds of winter tend to drive us indoors. The elderly can be left alone to live out their last years. The single person may more often than not, dine alone. The teenager can be imprisoned by self-doubt and immaturity. The cashier in the checkout line can feel cut-off from caring people. The neighbor can drive in and out of his garage isolated from the community. Our neighborhoods, schools, work places, and churches are filled with lonely people. Our debt of love to all people can be paid by caring words and deeds. Loneliness is banished by belonging, presence, and being understood. Jesus Christ does all that.

Dr. Howard E. Dial
Berachah Bible Church