Have You Ever Been Lonely?

Songs abound expressing a universal experience of loneliness: “All by Myself”, “Lonely Street”, “I Ain’t Got Nobody”, “The Last Word in Lonesome Is Me.” The list is almost endless. Some are of the opinion that loneliness is the number one problem in America today. Surveys have revealed vast numbers of the population who confess to chronic loneliness. In one poll 25% of those questioned said they felt lonely or cut off from other people at some time during the preceding few weeks. Almost half of widows over fifty living in one large metropolitan area said that loneliness was their worst problem. The loneliest, researchers find, are elderly men who live alone and are infirmed. This is not surprising considering the fact that so many men enter their later years without any male friends. Singles’ bars, clubs, societies, and internet chat rooms are some of the reminders of the cold presence of loneliness.

What is loneliness? We all know the feeling. It is a sense of being cut off from others. It is not primarily a matter of geography. Some of the loneliest moments can be experienced in the midst of a crowd. The feeling of isolation can actually be increased when around other people who are perceived to be happy and enjoying themselves. If they were to confess it, singles would acknowledge that feeling of “aloneness” when being in church and around married couples. Christians are not exempt from problems of loneliness. The old gospel song says, “On life’s pathway I am never lonely. No longer lonely, no longer lonely, for Jesus is a friend of friends to me.” Few people can honestly sing that song. We are more apt to identify with the psalmist, “Look to the right and see; For there is no one who regards me; There is no escape for me; No one cares for my soul” (Psa. 142:4). Elijah was a man who knew the exhilaration of standing strong for God and the depths of loneliness and discouragement (1 Kgs. 19:4). No less a soldier of the cross than the apostle Paul had to cope with being deserted and left alone (2 Tim. 4:10, 16).

Loneliness is a painful experience, emotionally, mentally, and physically (“an empty feeling in the pit of my stomach”). Ironically, the Christmas season, traditionally a time of family reunions and festivity, can be emotionally the darkest month of the year for some. Alcohol and drugs offer empty promises of consolation through the dark seasons of isolation. Loneliness seldom visits by itself. It is often accompanied by depression, self-pity, grief, restlessness, temptation, anger, doubts about God, guilt, and anxiety. If loneliness is not seen for what it is, it can be a very destructive experience. But what really causes loneliness? It arises out of a deficient relationship with God. This can be one of two kinds. One may have no relationship with God (“But the wicked are like the tossing sea, for it cannot be quiet, and its waters toss up refuse and mud. ‘There is no peace,’ says my God, ‘for the wicked’” Isa. 57:20, 21). Loneliness is basically the result of alienation from God. We were made for companionship with Him. It was Augustine who said, “Thou has formed us for Thyself and our hearts are restless till they find rest in Thee.” It is also possible for the Christian to have an underdeveloped relationship with God. Those who are not growing in their knowledge of God will find loneliness to be frequently an uninvited guest. To keep oneself in the love of God through obedience to Him brings comfort and a special sense of His companionship (Jude 21; Jn. 15:9).

But loneliness arises from other circumstances in life. It was Paul Tournier who said, “Loneliness results from the spirit of our age.” Our modern way of life fosters isolated people who fail to have close contact with each other. Rapid mobility, unknown to previous generations, has unintended consequences. People move, get job transfers, and leave churches in short periods of time. Death takes family and friends away. Technology gives and takes away. It can make the business environment impersonal. We talk to machines. We sit in front of a television screen, work at our computers, and sit in our cars in traffic, more often than not, cut-off from people. Even our responsibilities and commitments can contribute to a kind of loneliness. Following Jesus Christ and having strong biblical convictions can result in ridicule and rejection. It was the Master Himself who said, “If the world hates you, you know that it has hated Me before it hated you” (Jn. 15:18). The willingness to stand alone when necessary for the sake of the Savior is part of the Christian’s cross-bearing journey (Matt. 16:24).

The good news is that Christ’s servants are not left alone. This was the kind of encouragement Jesus gave to His disciples as He prepared them for His ascension to the Father and coming of the Holy Spirit (“I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you.” Jn. 14:18). The resurrected Christ is the only one who can free us from the self-made prison of isolation.

To be continued...

Dr. Howard E. Dial
Berachah Bible Church