A Father’s Love

Is it true that “you can’t really appreciate God as Father, if you had a poor relationship with your human father?” It has become a widely accepted concept in our psychologized culture to think that the lack of a father’s love determines one’s view of God. Make no mistake. It is better, much better, to grow up in a home where one is sure of their father’s love for them. It is also a sad reality that many enter adult life without the joy of knowing what it is like to have been nurtured by a strong father’s proven love. Where do we turn for a moral compass as fathers who want to know how to love?

We have to begin where everything begins, with God Himself. It has been revealed to us that God the Father’s love for God the Son is an eternal love (Jn. 3:35 “The Father loves the Son, and has given all things into His hand.”). Jesus Christ, the Son of God, lived His life on this earth assured of His Father’s love. There is a special love of the Father for the Son and of the Son for the Father (Jn. 5:20 “For the Father loves the Son, and shows Him all things that He Himself is doing. . . .”). D.A. Carson summarizes the wonder of intra-Trinitarian love, “This intra-Trinitarian love of God not only marks off Christian monotheism from all other monotheisms, but is bound up in surprising ways with revelation and redemption.” (The Difficult Doctrine of the Love of God) These “surprising ways” sound the depth of God’s infinite love in Trinitarian Fatherhood and Sonship. The standard for all other love relationships is found in the Father’s love for the Son (Rom. 8:32 “If God did not spare His Son, how shall He not also with Him freely give us all things?”).

It has further been revealed that the Son’s love for us is a sacrificial love (Jn. 15:9, 12 “Just as the Father has loved Me, I have also loved you; abide in My love. . . This is My commandment, that you love one another, just as I have loved you.”). Bound up in God the Son’s love for us is all that we need to know about love. Consider all the verbs connected with the love of Christ in action (coming, praying, giving, dying, washing, interceding, sending, rebuking). Jesus’ love is full of blood, sweat, and tears. This kind of love is to be imitated by us. As fathers we do not need to flounder about trying to figure out what love is like. All we need is eyes to see, ears to hear, tongues to tell, and feet to walk. This is made possible by God’s supernatural power within every believer. A Christian father has no excuse for not being fully engaged in the work of love.

But like a cascading river rushing over rocks bringing precious water to a fertile valley, a father’s love must have a source. We are able to love because God first loved us and then out of love for Him love sweetens the lives of others. The supremacy, uniqueness, and perfections of God call for our undivided attention. He is to be loved above all else. This is an all-consuming love that thinks, chooses, and sacrifices. It is a commitment to do what brings glory to God. Fathers, our love for God is to be white hot with the desire to please Him, taking pleasure in Him to the full extent of our lives. As we love Him with all our minds we will grow in our ability to understand spiritual realities. Our world and life view will be constructed by biblical truth. When God is loved with all of our strength, our energy will be harnessed to discipline our lives for godliness. All of our bodily powers and appetites will be drawn into our pursuit of God. Can you imagine growing up in a home with a father like that, one whose energy is focused on caring for his family, spending time with his sons and daughters, preparing them for life God’s way? What a gift that would be.

A father’s love for his children is to be supernatural and expressed in hundreds of ways. Fathers, God can make it possible for you to be patient beyond yourself by not giving up when your children disappoint you. You won’t reject them or yell at them when they embarrass you in front of others. You will tirelessly answer questions. Fathers with four and five year olds have some special opportunities to show their love toward sons and daughters whose imagination is at its height, who are meeting the challenges of learning to get along with others, and who have boundless energy.

A father’s love is not arrogant. It doesn’t attempt to bully his children into submission by brute force, threats, and the refusal to say I am or “I was wrong, will you forgive me?” Men, we do have a struggle with our pride don’t we? How easily it can get a choke hold on us and keep us from humbling ourselves in repentance and forgiveness. There are too many fathers on ball fields who are trying to achieve self-centered goals and rectify personal frustrations through their children. Base hits, goals, and touchdowns don’t make a son or daughter great. Being loving, supportive, and encouraging after strikeouts, dropped fly balls, and failures reveal what is really in the heart of a man.

When a father loves with God’s kind of love he will rejoice in the truth. It chooses to delight in those things that please God. Fathers, are you aware of some of the temptations your children face at school? Have you forgotten what it is like to want to pass a math test so badly that you let you eyes look for answers in the wrong places? A loving father will rise early and pray for his children. He will instruct them in the infinite value of truth-telling. True love sets limits and disciplines when sons and daughters are disobedient. This hard work of love is not left up to the mothers. The memory of a father who told the truth and did not make promises that he did not intend to keep is a priceless treasure.

Fathers, where does this kind of love come from? It comes from knowing God through faith in Christ and growing the grace and knowledge of Christ. Is that true of you? It comes from the work of the Holy Spirit who shapes our desires, thinking, and affections by the teachings of the Bible. It comes by the discipline of grace. Decisions are made out of a resolve to please God. It comes by a vibrant, strong covenant-companionship with the wife to whom you have made vows and are committed to with the last drop of your blood. It comes from experiencing the reality that only God can fill a “father-hole” in your life. It means taking responsibility for the “specific lies, false beliefs, desires, expectations, and fears that poison your relationship with God.” Are there sins toward your own father that must be confessed to God? Are there sins of your father against you that need to be acknowledged and forgiven (Mk. 11:25)? Ponder the good things your father did for you. Don’t let bitterness and anger cloud the good things. Overcome evil with good. Give to your children and your children’s children the pleasure of having had a father who loved with God’s kind of love.

Men, none of us have loved as we should have loved. But let’s commit ourselves to this kind of love for the remainder of our days.

Dr. Howard E. Dial
Berachah Bible Church