The Book of Love

“I wonder, wonder who wrote the book of love?” That’s the way a song of days gone-by starts out. It is a rather shallow song but it does present us with an opportunity to think about what real love is like. After all, Valentine’s Day is coming up this week (men have you forgotten?) and you may be one of those hapless males who will stand in front of the card rack trying to find the right words to say “I love you,” wondering how it can be said in a meaningful way.

The best place I know to get a handle on the meaning of love is found in 1 Corinthians 13:4-6. To read the apostle Paul’s prose opens up a treasure chest of truth about love. But notice the direction being taken here. There are those who would have us to believe that love is indefinable. How can an emotion as mysterious as love be captured in words? The fact is that if love can’t be defined and described then we are left with bubbles of feeling that evaporate into thin air. Love can be lost as easily as it can be found. Tragically, many marriages have broken up on the reef of self-love, disguised as marital love. And it doesn’t take long for this kind of love-boat to sink. So let’s visit the features of real love.

Love is patient. It chooses to persist creatively when suffering at the hands of someone else. It does not retaliate when wronged. Love is kind. It chooses to reach out to others in order to make their lives richer. It seeks to bring help to the hurting. Love is not jealous. It chooses to refuse resentment because someone else has something I don’t. Love does not brag. It chooses to avoid self-promotion (trying to look good when we suspect we are not good). Am I trying to create an image that is contrary to reality? Love is not arrogant. It chooses not to indulge in power plays. Do I use people to achieve my goals? Love does not act unbecomingly. It chooses to treat others with respect. How indifferent am I to the effect that my behavior has on others? Love does not seek its own. It chooses not to place self-satisfaction above service. Am I willing to sacrifice my rights for the benefit of the one I say I love? Love is not provoked. It chooses to absorb irritations and offenses out of concern for others. How tolerant of annoyances am I in the interest of others? Love does not take into account a wrong suffered. It chooses to let God keep the moral scorecard of life. Do I keep a private file of personal grievances? Am I willing to let God settle the score? Love does not rejoice in unrighteousness. It chooses not to delight in the sins of others. Do I enjoy endless discussions about what is wrong with others, my spouse, my friends, my children? Love rejoices with the truth. It chooses to delight in those things that please God. Do I excuse lust and adultery in the name of love? Love bears all things. It chooses to put up with all kinds of hardships. Do I run from problems and people? Love believes all things. It chooses to not be gullible and cynical but wise. Am I willing to take risks in seeking to help others? Love hopes all things. It chooses to be confident about the future. Do I take the failure of someone else as final? Love endures all things. It chooses to not stop loving. Do I live with my bags packed?

Hopefully, the above will be some of the stuff of your valentine card. But better yet, make it the way you love. Love is not simply propositions to be contemplated. It is a relationship that looks like our relationship to Jesus Christ. He loved us so much that He gave Himself in a violent death so that we might live with Him forever. It was a love that considered our dreadful condition and did not remain passive. Jesus spilled His blood so that we could have the forgiveness of our sins and be free to love Him. Is that your kind of love? Men, I have a word for us. Not that our wives are where they ought to be in this matter of love, but our love in a special way is to emulate that of Christ’s love for His church. Allow the following questions to filter out the spiritual and moral toxins that are limiting our love.

• Do I provoke my wife to wrath and discouragement by my angry and critical spirit?
• Does my lack of spiritual discipline frustrate my wife?
• Do I show her affection and give her my full attention?
• Do I frequently tell her I love her and back it up with actions?
• Do I give her the freedom to pursue her interests, to seek God, to study the Bible, to have friends?
• The world, the flesh, and the devil – My wife has to contend with these. Am I adding a fourth?
• Did I violate my wife’s sexual purity before marriage? If so, have I repented of that and asked her forgiveness?
• Am I remaining loyal to my wife both physically and mentally? Do I flirt with other women? Am I kinder and gentler with other women than I am with my own wife?
• Do I have another life that is filled with sexual fantasy, pornography, and lust after other women?
• Am I living as a spiritually diminished person and don’t care?
• Do I seek revenge when my wife avoids me, ignores me, or is cool to my romantic advances?
• Do I pull my wife away from church because of my projects, toys, play, and other interests?

We should not be wondering who wrote the book of love. God did. He has written it in His own blood.

Dr. Howard E. Dial
Berachah Bible Church