The Effective Mother

We honor you today, mothers, and appreciate you. You may sometimes wonder how effective your role is as a mother. This is not an easy question to answer for several reasons. In the first place your work is not finished. In most cases your children will outlive you and you are unable to assess the impact you have had upon their lives. You must also consider the creaturely limitations of not being omniscient. We can’t know what is going on in someone else’s heart. Only God knows the effect one life has upon another. In addition to these factors, evaluation of oneself is always incomplete and must be left in the hands of God. Have you been faithful as a mother? God alone makes that determination (1 Cor. 4:1-5). It is necessary for a mother to remind herself of these matters of faith lest by severity of judgment and the incompleteness of human perspective discouragement is invited as an annoying guest.

At this point you may need to pull yourself together, if you are a mother saddened by a child who seems to be disregarding everything you taught him or her. Take some heaping tablespoons of God’s grace. He is in control of all things, even the foolish behavior of a wayward son or daughter. Your work is not over. “We know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.” If you really believe this you can avoid some of the depression and self-pity that knocks the wind out of your motherly sails.

Having said this there is a biblical outlook that is to have legs and feet on it. Effective mothering doesn’t just happen. There is a lot of sentimentality about motherhood that doesn’t measure up to truth. Just because you have biologically produced offspring doesn’t guarantee success in rearing children. We are, tragically, made well aware of this by mothers who do horrendous things to their children (e.g., drowning them in a bathtub, locking them in a basement room without food, abandoning them, and other such unnatural and evil things). Good mothering is not an automatic thing. You know that. But you will need to remind yourself of the truth that there is a way God wants you to define motherhood and it is not the world’s way.

That is enough of the dark side. What is it that constitutes effective biblical mothering? The effective mother is a God-server, not a self-server (“The woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised.” Prov. 31:30). Strength and wisdom for rearing children God’s way is drawn from a deep and growing relationship with God. Fearing God is awareness of His moral purity and power. A God-fearing mother is genuinely afraid of failing God. Disobeying her Creator and Savior is not an acceptable option. She worships, serves, trusts, and obeys her Lord out of love for Him. This happens as a mother’s roots of daily living go deeply into the written Word of God. Mothers, as a result of this you can give the best possible advice and guidance to your children. You are able to construct a set of values which reflect the substantial in contrast to the trivial and harmful. The mother who loves God with all her heart, soul, mind, and strength gives her children monumental memories of God’s love woven into the fabric of life.

The effective mother must understand the nature of her relationship with her husband. The Christian wife knows the wisdom of being submissive to her husband. Please throw out all notions of inferiority or cowering weakness that may have attached themselves to what submit means. Mothers, you will best shape your children’s lives for eternity by living out the relationship of the church to Jesus Christ (Eph. 5:22-24). Biblical submission energetically pursues ways to please God through the support, help, and encouragement of one’s husband. When a wife and mother plans and acts for the welfare of her husband she is providing priceless pre-marital counseling. The response of a wife to her husband is a highly nuanced and individualized thing. But it is in the daily routines of the home that future husbands and wives are made. Do you speak respectfully of your husband? Are the two of you a good working team? Is it evident that you love one another? The way in which you and your husband relate to one another says volumes to your children. Their eyes and ears are absorbing what will form their outlook on marriage and how things are to be in the home.

The effective mother knows what and how to teach her children. This does not mean that the husband is off the hook. The buck stops with him. The husband and wife share the role of instruction in the home. Sons and daughters are admonished by that ancient sage, Solomon, to listen to their father’s instructions and not to forsake their mother’s teaching (Prov. 1:8; 6:20). It was Timothy, the apostle Paul’s trusted associate, who was nurtured in the faith of Christ through his grandmother and mother. Mothers must partner with their husbands to provide a truth-rich environment in the home. Older mothers are to help younger mothers in preparing their children in biblical decision making, what it means to love God and one’s neighbor, how to interpret the Scriptures, the display of courtesy and good manners, and how to do all things for the glory of God.

An effective mother displays the precious jewel of Christian truth. A healthy home will have a godly mother in the middle of it. She exudes the fragrance of a sweet disposition. Kindness has a way of setting the tone of behavior in a household (Titus 2:5). Irritability, harshness, and making demands of everyone will sour any home. Yes, some people are easier to live with than others. But let a grumpy husband and grousing children have an encounter with the sweetness of the graces of the Spirit. Mothers, how sensible are you? Much was made of this attribute for the Christian homes on the island of Crete. Cretan culture needed large amounts of sensibility. So does our culture. Sensibility in a mother means that she will have her priorities straight. She won’t be chasing the latest child-rearing fad, but instead follows the compass of divine wisdom. A sensible mother is not ruled by her feelings. Anger and bitterness are not allowed to jerk her around. She lives with the joy of the Lord defining her moods. A sensible mother is not easily offended. Love and patience are allowed to soften the blows of self-centered people around her. She knows the value of time and plans her daily routine accordingly. May God grant us increasing numbers of sensible mothers who are an anchor in the home and church amidst the howling winds of a culture gone mad with frivolity and foolishness. These mothers who have their biblical wits about them are steady, strong, and not desperate.

Mothers, these words are not written to load you down with guilt but with hope. Effective mothering is a life long pursuit and one over which God is sovereign. He will enable you to do what is wise and good. Savor the tenderness of a Savior who knows your heart, loves you, and will reward your faithfulness.

Dr. Howard E. Dial
Berachah Bible Church