Singleness: Gift or Curse?

From my earliest memory, the thought of describing singleness as a gift has always seemed to me the most oxymoronic (with greater stress on the moronic) of qualifiers, on par with having the gift of two left feet or the gift of premature grey hair. Like that Christmas present that your relative thrice removed sends every year—you don’t know what it is, but whatever it is you know you don’t want it—the gift of singleness has oft been delegated as either untouchable or interminably misunderstood in our churches.

Paul’s conception of singleness detailed in 1 Corinthians 7, however, paints a much different picture of the gift of singleness. One in which celibacy, far from being placed in abeyance, is given center stage. Paul leaves no room for doubt. His single status is to be envied above all others (v 7). What about the woman who has just lost her husband and is free to remarry? She, in Paul’s estimation, will be happier if she remains as she is (vv 39-40).

Perhaps the greatest discovery hidden in Paul’s words is that singleness is a gift you can choose to exercise and a choice you can make precisely because you have been given a gift. By this definition, singleness ceases to be viewed as a curse and instead something to be desired. The person given this gift is able, unlike his or her peers who burn with passion, to exercise hormonal self-control to the point where the choice to remain single or not is a viable option.

In addition, singleness—though unquestionably fraught with its own swathe of trials—offers freedom for ministry in ways not always available to those who are married. Singleness is particularly exempt from the emotional heartache often attached to marriage. Marriage not only comes with added responsibilities, but added potential for loss. Believers in Paul’s day knew this all too well. Concomitant with marriage, for instance, was the very real possibility that you might witness the cruel torture of your spouse at the behest of the Roman authorities.

In the end, the word “gift,” as it relates to singleness, takes on new meaning when seen through the spectacles of Scripture. That God has graced some with the freedom to pursue him apart from “worldly troubles” and divided interests (vv 33-34) is rightly seen as a gift from God, reminding us of another single man who, the Bible tells us, was fixed on accomplishing his father’s will (John 6:38).

Chris Bosson

A Father’s Love

Is it true that “you can’t really appreciate God as Father, if you had a poor relationship with your human father?” It has become a widely accepted concept in our psychologized culture to think that the lack of a father’s love determines one’s view of God. Make no mistake. It is better, much better, to grow up in a home where one is sure of their father’s love for them. It is also a sad reality that many enter adult life without the joy of knowing what it is like to have been nurtured by a strong father’s proven love. Where do we turn for a moral compass as fathers who want to know how to love?

We have to begin where everything begins, with God Himself. It has been revealed to us that God the Father’s love for God the Son is an eternal love (Jn. 3:35 “The Father loves the Son, and has given all things into His hand.”). Jesus Christ, the Son of God, lived His life on this earth assured of His Father’s love. There is a special love of the Father for the Son and of the Son for the Father (Jn. 5:20 “For the Father loves the Son, and shows Him all things that He Himself is doing. . . .”). D.A. Carson summarizes the wonder of intra-Trinitarian love, “This intra-Trinitarian love of God not only marks off Christian monotheism from all other monotheisms, but is bound up in surprising ways with revelation and redemption.” (The Difficult Doctrine of the Love of God) These “surprising ways” sound the depth of God’s infinite love in Trinitarian Fatherhood and Sonship. The standard for all other love relationships is found in the Father’s love for the Son (Rom. 8:32 “If God did not spare His Son, how shall He not also with Him freely give us all things?”).

It has further been revealed that the Son’s love for us is a sacrificial love (Jn. 15:9, 12 “Just as the Father has loved Me, I have also loved you; abide in My love. . . This is My commandment, that you love one another, just as I have loved you.”). Bound up in God the Son’s love for us is all that we need to know about love. Consider all the verbs connected with the love of Christ in action (coming, praying, giving, dying, washing, interceding, sending, rebuking). Jesus’ love is full of blood, sweat, and tears. This kind of love is to be imitated by us. As fathers we do not need to flounder about trying to figure out what love is like. All we need is eyes to see, ears to hear, tongues to tell, and feet to walk. This is made possible by God’s supernatural power within every believer. A Christian father has no excuse for not being fully engaged in the work of love.

But like a cascading river rushing over rocks bringing precious water to a fertile valley, a father’s love must have a source. We are able to love because God first loved us and then out of love for Him love sweetens the lives of others. The supremacy, uniqueness, and perfections of God call for our undivided attention. He is to be loved above all else. This is an all-consuming love that thinks, chooses, and sacrifices. It is a commitment to do what brings glory to God. Fathers, our love for God is to be white hot with the desire to please Him, taking pleasure in Him to the full extent of our lives. As we love Him with all our minds we will grow in our ability to understand spiritual realities. Our world and life view will be constructed by biblical truth. When God is loved with all of our strength, our energy will be harnessed to discipline our lives for godliness. All of our bodily powers and appetites will be drawn into our pursuit of God. Can you imagine growing up in a home with a father like that, one whose energy is focused on caring for his family, spending time with his sons and daughters, preparing them for life God’s way? What a gift that would be.

A father’s love for his children is to be supernatural and expressed in hundreds of ways. Fathers, God can make it possible for you to be patient beyond yourself by not giving up when your children disappoint you. You won’t reject them or yell at them when they embarrass you in front of others. You will tirelessly answer questions. Fathers with four and five year olds have some special opportunities to show their love toward sons and daughters whose imagination is at its height, who are meeting the challenges of learning to get along with others, and who have boundless energy.

A father’s love is not arrogant. It doesn’t attempt to bully his children into submission by brute force, threats, and the refusal to say I am or “I was wrong, will you forgive me?” Men, we do have a struggle with our pride don’t we? How easily it can get a choke hold on us and keep us from humbling ourselves in repentance and forgiveness. There are too many fathers on ball fields who are trying to achieve self-centered goals and rectify personal frustrations through their children. Base hits, goals, and touchdowns don’t make a son or daughter great. Being loving, supportive, and encouraging after strikeouts, dropped fly balls, and failures reveal what is really in the heart of a man.

When a father loves with God’s kind of love he will rejoice in the truth. It chooses to delight in those things that please God. Fathers, are you aware of some of the temptations your children face at school? Have you forgotten what it is like to want to pass a math test so badly that you let you eyes look for answers in the wrong places? A loving father will rise early and pray for his children. He will instruct them in the infinite value of truth-telling. True love sets limits and disciplines when sons and daughters are disobedient. This hard work of love is not left up to the mothers. The memory of a father who told the truth and did not make promises that he did not intend to keep is a priceless treasure.

Fathers, where does this kind of love come from? It comes from knowing God through faith in Christ and growing the grace and knowledge of Christ. Is that true of you? It comes from the work of the Holy Spirit who shapes our desires, thinking, and affections by the teachings of the Bible. It comes by the discipline of grace. Decisions are made out of a resolve to please God. It comes by a vibrant, strong covenant-companionship with the wife to whom you have made vows and are committed to with the last drop of your blood. It comes from experiencing the reality that only God can fill a “father-hole” in your life. It means taking responsibility for the “specific lies, false beliefs, desires, expectations, and fears that poison your relationship with God.” Are there sins toward your own father that must be confessed to God? Are there sins of your father against you that need to be acknowledged and forgiven (Mk. 11:25)? Ponder the good things your father did for you. Don’t let bitterness and anger cloud the good things. Overcome evil with good. Give to your children and your children’s children the pleasure of having had a father who loved with God’s kind of love.

Men, none of us have loved as we should have loved. But let’s commit ourselves to this kind of love for the remainder of our days.

Dr. Howard E. Dial
Berachah Bible Church

The Truth About Generations

If there remains a notion among our churches today that the presence of different generations in them is a bad thing, I would suggest that this wrongheaded idea is nothing more than an invention of church growth experts and pastors driven by an extreme longing to be “seeker sensitive” at the expense of being “gospel-sensitive.” Sadly, the existence of representative generations in our churches is often seen as a hindrance to worship rather than an aid. Multiple services of worship, created for the express purpose of dividing generations along certain worship styles, sometimes emerge as a panacea for such “hindrances.” While this faux division of generations may present a “quick fix,” the prudence of such a decision, in light of the long-term health of the church, is undoubtedly questionable. The urge to press for two or more services, though often well-meaning and sometimes logistically necessary, must be pursued with discernment and caution. At this point, we are unfortunately left with more questions than answers.

When the propriety of generational worship is in view, however, the Bible gives us two overarching reasons why the existence of both young and old generations in the church is both biblical and vital to the strength of the church body. First, God’s Word crosses generations, and second, God is to be our focus in worship, not man.

God-centered worship crosses generations because God’s Word crosses generations. Nowhere in Scripture do we find precedence for separating generations along worship styles. Instead, we find John, in his first epistle, addressing both the young and old in the church, each of whom have different purposes in the church (1 Jn 2:12-14). In addition, we find Peter, addressing the crowd in Jerusalem at Pentecost, proclaiming that the supernatural happenings that they have just witnessed among both the young and old alike were a direct fulfillment of the prophecies of Joel (Acts 2:14-21). It must be noted that, despite being manifested differently (i.e., the young men will see visions and the old men will dream dreams), the outpouring of God’s Spirit is upon both generations, bearing witness to God’s presence among them.

The Bible is also explicit that the passing down of God’s commandments is incumbent upon subsequent generations. In Deuteronomy 6, Moses admonishes the current generation of Israelites to impress God’s word upon the hearts of their children. “And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise. You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates” (Deut 6:6-9, ESV). Here we see that each generation bears the weight of being faithful with that which God has entrusted to it.

Being trans-generational is in part a celebration of our being fashioned in the very image of God. This glorious truth, however, is only one facet of what it means to enjoy our diversity in Christ. The Bible tells us of a larger body of Christ—Christ’s Bride—which consists of peoples from “every tribe and language and people and nation” who will forever sing, “Worthy is the Lamb, who was slain, to receive power and wealth and wisdom and strength and honor and glory and praise!” (Rev 5:9b; 4:8, NIV) Worship of God is intended not only to transcend generations but to transcend culture. God is not satisfied merely with a sixty-five year old grandmother singing “Great is Thy Faithfulness” alongside a twenty year old college student of the same skin color and cultural upbringing. Sonorous praise offered up with a group of Bosnian refugees in a language completely foreign to one’s ears is likely closer to the Bible’s intent. Embracing a person’s heritage entails more than mere acceptance, it involves participation in his or her culture and heart language.

Not only does God’s Word cross generational boundaries, but God-centered worship has no style or acceptance of a particular generation as its aim. Instead, it seeks only the pleasure and glory of God. The desire to please generations with their particular style of music is inherently flawed in that our hearts are always to be tuned to please God. Anything outside this aim leaves us frustrated and guilty of fueling the idol-making factories of our hearts.

Perhaps you have heard someone quip, “I just can’t worship to this style of music.” The inference is clear: If only they were able to worship utilizing their preferred style of music, God would then be present. Two problems exist at this juncture. First, God is present whether you feel him or not. He is everywhere (Ps 139:7-10; Matt 28:20b). Second, and perhaps more importantly, if the sheer fact that Christ is present in our worship is insufficient cause for spontaneous praise, I would suggest that that person’s preferred form of worship has become an idolatrous breach of the second commandment. Such a statement may simply be an attempt to escape the root problem—a heart problem.

Having been a part of churches that honor both young and old generations and see their gifts in the church as vital to the functioning of the body as a whole, I can attest to their benefit in my own life. There is much wisdom to be gained from the older men and women in the church. Likewise, the younger generations often bring a passion, vitality and a newness in Christ, which serves to ignite evangelistic witness in our churches. Moreover, the church’s testimony to the community needs to be one of unity, a unity that knows no distinction between young and old, Asian or Hispanic, a unity that only makes sense given a Christian worldview. In closing, let us remember that both hymns and modern praise choruses are to be nothing more than an external effort to express an internal devotion. God is most glorified, not with any one generational or ethnic style of music, but with a heart steadfast after him.

Chris Bosson

The Principal “Worship War”

Much has been said over the past decade concerning supposed “worship wars” in our churches. Whatever this term is intended to mean (and it is certainly far from clear) it has had a devastating impact on the lives of many church bodies. Often, these so-called “worship wars” pit those who advocate a more traditional style of worship against those who prefer a more contemporary style. In many cases, this debate is characterized by the replacement of a choir with a praise team and the putting aside of hymnals in favor of a note-free screen with words. On the flip side, a vibrant time of singing is sometimes substituted for dead liturgy and a parsimonious resistance to change. So, who is right and what does the Bible have to say concerning these “worship wars”?

Though it does not speak directly to the exact form or style that our corporate worship services should take, the Bible is far from silent on the topic of worship. For his part, Satan undoubtedly relishes the inordinate concern with styles of worship in our churches. It is this misplaced attention given to instruments played and melodies sung that allows him to surreptitiously blind our eyes to the principal worship war addressed in the Bible, namely, the war between God and Satan. This principal worship war, waged throughout the script of the Bible, has existed since the beginning of time and continues today. The Lord's statement to the serpent in the garden upon Adam's sin, “he will strike your head, and you will strike his heel (Gen 3:15),” was not merely a slap on the hand—it was a call to battle! And it is this call to battle that reminds us that where Adam failed in his God-given role as vice-regent of God's creation, one came as the “firstborn among many brothers” (Rom 8:29)—exemplifying true humanity created in the image of God—who defeated the “cosmic powers of this present darkness” (Eph 6:12) on the cross and who will ultimately crush the serpent's head (Gen 3:15) on that final day of judgment (Rev 20:7-15).

Fence-sitting is not an option for the believer. He or she is either worshiping the God of heaven or the god of this world. Consider, for instance, God’s directive to Paul in Acts 26:17b-18: “I am sending you to open their eyes, so that they may turn from darkness to light and from the power of Satan to God, that they may receive forgiveness of sins and a place among those who are sanctified by faith in me” (ESV). Other verses in Scripture (Col 1:13; 2 Tim 2:24-26) attest that those not worshiping Christ are, in actuality, under the dominion of darkness and doing the very will of Satan! In light of these passages, the burgeoning question presented in Scripture seems to center around who we are worshiping and in what manner we are worshiping rather than how or where we choose to engage in worship.

As Christians, we are prone to forget that our battle is not against flesh and blood (Eph 6:12). We battle a power which was once good, rebelled, and now fights against the forces of good. We are engaged in a civil war and are living in, what C. S. Lewis appropriately describes as, “enemy-occupied territory” [C.S. Lewis, Mere Christianity (San Francisco: Harper: San Francisco, 2001), 45-46]. We would do well to envision ourselves in such a state. Perhaps then we would stop wasting our time on the trivialities of stylistic worship, focusing instead on the penultimate “worship war” of the age.

Chris Bosson
Berachah Bible Church